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In Which Cookies Attempt to Emasculate Me

My wife has been invited to tea with a bunch of her friends tomorrow. I understand that this event involves drinking tea, eating snacks, and wearing big hats. If you leave out the tea, it sounds a lot like the rodeo to me.

Anyway, my wife has been planning to bake cookies for the tea party, but life interfered today and gobbled up all her potential cookie-baking time. Being a nice husband with some time on his hands and an interest in having sex again at some point, I undertook the baking of her chosen cookies.

My wife wanted Basil-Lime Shortbread Cookies, which are the girliest of all cookies in existence. Just reading the recipe made me want to put mousse in my hair. To defend my masculinity, I cranked up Netflix in the kitchen and blared an action-heavy TV series while I grated lime zest and whipped stuff until it was light and fluffy.

It must have worked. Three dozen ultra-feminine cookies are cooling on wire racks in my kitchen, and I can still tell the difference between a Remington 870 shotgun and a Winchester M97 shotgun.

Some cookies are made with love. These cookies are made with explosions, fire fights, car chases, torture, and bioterrorism.

I dodged a bullet on this one.

I dodged a bullet on this one.

 

7 Comments

  1. Rich Amooi says:

    Did you wear an apron while you baked? I’d like to see some photos “in action” the next time you do something so girly. I won’t make fun of you, though. My Spanish mother-in-law taught me how to make an almond cake from scratch and now I’m the family expert. My mom insists that I bring one with me every time I go to her house.

    1. Bill McCurry says:

      In fact, I did wear an apron that my wife gave me, and it’s by far the sharpest apron I’ve ever encountered. Not exactly masculine, perhaps. I couldn’t envision Buzz Aldrin or Audie Murphy wearing it, but maybe Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson…

      I dug up a photo: http://wp.me/a3tJaQ-qR

      For my money, there’s nothing at all girly about almond cake. A surprisingly small quantity of wild almonds contains enough cyanide to kill you. That’s pretty badass. I could drop a dump truck load of lime zest on you, and you could still skip away to Bath and Bodyworks if you wanted.

      1. Dave Pak says:

        Sounds like its time to get a manly cookie apron!!!

        Something with explosions and …stuff.

        great article bill.

        1. Bill McCurry says:

          Like something Vin Diesel would wear. Thanks, man!

  2. Shannon Hopps says:

    I love you, Bill! This is awesome! I also tend to need balance when I get good and domestic. Baking? Shot of tequila. Wearing an apron? Combat boots. Cleaning the house? Watch “Aliens”. It all works out. This is a post I truly TRULY understand!

    1. Bill McCurry says:

      Apron and combat boots! Yes! Thank you, my friend.

  3. Bill McCurry says:

    One of my friends reported that these cookies “tasted like the tears of my enemies.” I could hope for no higher praise.

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