Let Me Tell You About Canadians . . .

Let Me Tell You About Canadians . . .

We all know that most Canadians are polite. I now know why. They sublimate their fury. Canadians drive like enraged Mongols. They walk through public places like they were electrons pinging around in a supercollider. I can only confirm that’s true for the ones in...
Do You Want Fries and Souvlaki With That?

Do You Want Fries and Souvlaki With That?

When I walked into the restaurant last night my feet stuck to the floor. The smell of grease choked me up a little, and I couldn’t hear my wife over the pressure cookers and fans. I assumed the fans were there to keep the sole employee from exploding like a CO2...
Taking the Guilt Train to Little Rock

Taking the Guilt Train to Little Rock

I am objectively a lousy father. Compared to my father, I am a psychotic crack addict trying to raise orchids in a toilet. It started with a rose-colored memory of my family’s driving vacations when I was a boy. Swinging through the western states and the national...